If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
