i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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