you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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