and you said cock pushups were impossible
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
