I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
She said her name was "party"
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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