I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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