you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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