Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
