Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
