dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
