you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
