can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize