drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
