I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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