I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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