But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
