My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
