I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
