So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
