Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Never underestimate the power of titties
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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