We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
