Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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