he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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