"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize