since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
