I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
