Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
