I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
