i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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