Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
