So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
