Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
