Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize