I faked an abortion last night.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
