That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
