my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
