I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
