Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
