i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
