fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Someone shattered a urinal.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
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