It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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