Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Hippo gnu deer
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
