I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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