im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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