none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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