idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
