Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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