There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
