The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
