you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
