She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
