lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
