You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
