How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
