when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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