We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
