oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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