my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
