You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
