he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
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