she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
