Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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