Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
