Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
