you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Why did my mother make you get naked?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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