Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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