MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
