yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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