Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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