There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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