yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
