may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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