Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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