There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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