Your tits are I can't wait for
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
His hands were made for my vagina.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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