took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So I just went to clothing optional bar
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
