How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize