My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
