My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
