True but thats because hes a fetus.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
