Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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