I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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