Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
