just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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