so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
