its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
