I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
