you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
